Who's the guest star tonight? Science has discovered a process which may go a long way towards solving the world's food crisis. Dom DeLuise: I'll tell you why. [flames shoot out of the radio in response] Whoa, touchy! It must be cleansed! 3. Charlie McCarthy: Bergen, this isn't a television show, this is a zoo. [sees Waldorf asleep]. There you go, Bert. Peter Sellers: It is I, Boris with the sobbing violin. Pig: My laundry's ready at half-past nine. The Great Gonzo: Thank you. I thought you said we had 14.95 in the cash box. I'll get you with my knife. The illness strikes very quickly and causes its victim to turn into a duck. Do you believe that? The Newsman: Still, these groundless rumors persist. Waldorf: We're look more like members of the Stone Age! Civilization: Zero. Waldorf: Hey, listen, all your impressions sound the same. The Muppet Movie quotes: the most famous and inspiring quotes from The Muppet Movie. You ain't got no guns. Rowlf the Dog: [as Dr. Bob] Hey! Kermit: "OK, well, we've done a lot for the music lovers on the show, so it's time we did something for the music haters. Statler: I really liked the show tonight. Statler: Well, I've seen a lot of versions of Robin Hood, but none to match this one. Waldorf: Yeah, but Queen Victoria wouldn't have you. But you know, we have out hopes and our dreams. Gonzo: So what? Kermit the Frog: Hey, listen. Announcer: And now, "Veterinarian's Hospital". [burns his finger as he touches the phone] Aaow! Fozzie Bear: Wait, what do you mean, Mortimer? You watched it! Kermit, thank you for apologizing so sincerely and abjectly to your lover pig. Not to you. Waldorf: It'll get better in a little while. Today is the opening day of the fishing season. Hilda: Gonzo I categorically, absolutely refuse to repair that teddy bear! But the show is addressing incarceration in a way it didn't used to: by bringing the show directly to the kids and families it wants to reach. Besides, in the same jousting scene, you get to fight the Black Knight. Hai-ya! One of my ancestors was a Viking! The Muppets The Muppet Show Beaker Muppets Das Tier Muppets Mejores Series Tv Top 20 Funniest Funny Quotes Funny Memes Laugh Quotes buymelaughs.com - This website is for sale! Floyd Pepper: You have been officially and permanently de-shaded. Statler: you old foll 1. You'll believe a frog can sing! Sam the American Eagle: Not for long, you are not! Can we have a bigger candle, please? Miss Piggy: We must've used every dumb Hawaiian joke in the book. [they both laugh], The Newsman: Here is a Muppet News Flash. [Rowlf is playing "The Entertainer" slowly]. Waldorf: So long! There is no news tonight. Dr. Teeth: Oh yeah? [the furniture monsters chase the man out of the room]. Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead. Waldorf: Pay up, they made it through another one. Kermit the Frog: What a dumb dog! I had a dressing room so small, all the mice were hunchbacked. Kermit: My profile has been compared to Barrymore. Muppet Likeness: Hiya, Connie. Arab drilling-rig operator: Before we start d-trilling, where should zwe pahrk ze CAMELS? You can do an act. Ernie, come here... did I just make a complete fool of myself? Kermit: Hey, keep working on that accent, it might come in handy. Muppet (71 quotes) When The Muppet Show ended, we all sat around and said, what kind of television show would we like to do. It's kept a complete and absolute mystery. Flower Eating Monster: Thanks. Get a hair cut! Beauregard: Kermit! Fozzie Bear: All right, so my typing is bad. There are so many Miss Piggy quotes that can help you when you are tired of being in the same old rut, and all you need is a little push, a little inspiration, a smile on the face, change of mood, bring you out of the banality of life, make you laugh a little, or may even make you cry a bit, and these Miss Piggy quotes exists just do that. The Newsman: That's not easy to do in Kentucky. The Great Gonzo: Well like I was saying Kermit, if the bear goes, the Gonzo goes. Fozzie: [stammering nervously] Well, maybe, I, uh... Vincent Price: I must tell you I am not alone. Charlie McCarthy: I see. Scooter: [to Kermit] Gee boss, I've never seen you naked before. I'm going home. I certainly didn't! The Newsman: Here's a Muppet News Flash. Waldorf: That performance! [tempo increases and the Muppets come on the stage]. Ernie: And here he is now, that suave and sophisticated showman. Dateline: London. Kermit the Frog: I will cancel... [calling out] Cancel the next number! Archaeologists today discovered an ancient tomb more than 5,000 years old in the Nungal Valley. Updates by Muppet Central Staff. Fan site Muppet Central created by Phillip Chapman. Sgt. Miss Piggy: [suddenly angry] It's the mouse you gotta hate! The Newsman: Muppet News Flash! Statler: [in response to the second Muppet News Flash] Do they sell insurance for this show? Here I am. 5 o'clock and all's well! The Newsman: Reports are coming in from all over the world that television news reporters are blowing up. Gonzo: [to a cow] Wow, you've got a great pair of legs! Lew Zealand: Well, you gotta have sole. Sgt. Waldorf: I'd like to get close to Connie Stevens. Yes, sir. The lovely Miss Juliet Prowse. The music was performed by Jack Parnell and his orchestra. Look, let me take you away from all this. My Hamlet was acclaimed as the greatest ever. Statler: I once knew a whole chorus line that was turned to stone. Peter Sellers: I couldn't remember what she looked like. Gonzo: I know. Kermit: "And now I want you to close your eyes and think of exotic Greek dancers, because if you open them you'll see this." Waldorf: But on a record, it doesn't even make sense! You KNOW that they are reading cue cards. I bought one and George bought one, where were you? Ernie: Oh, I'm sorry, Bert, here. Think about it. Sam the Eagle: Now, it seems to me that you and I... [behind Sam, Zero continues to mock him]... think alike. Gonzo: I want to go there. Reports say that hats are falling all over the... [suddenly, a bunch of hats all fall down on the Newsman, followed by a helmet that lands on his head], [Sellers is standing in his dressing room, alone, wearing pantaloons, a corset, boxing gloves, and a viking helmet with horns and braids]. The Great Gonzo: [talking about his Teddy Bear] Kermit, if the bear goes. Statler: Terrible. Waldorf: Are you sure you didn't just forget to put them on again? You tell the subject, and the bear does the joke on it. I never knew that frogs had a sense of humor. A duck appears frequently in the sketches and skits. With the name of the board you would like to be added to. Miss Piggy: [sternly, to C-3PO] Watch it, hardware! Waldorf: So what? Waldorf: We entered a contest. This dude don't know Animal! Muppets: [singing] It was in Vaudeville and he was on the bill with all the singers, dancers, acrobats and clowns. Sam the American Eagle: Oh, good grief! Every show has a script! Jim Henson Statler And Waldorf Quotes Kevin Clash Muppets Most Wanted Strange Beasts Comedy The Cosby Show Sesame Street Characters Muppet Babies. Do you have any naval experience? Waldorf: Oh, I've been there before. Waldorf: South Dakota has nothing to do with this show. Kermit: [to the alligators] Okay, okay, how many times do I have to tell you guys: no eating guest stars a the beginning of the show. We know Gonzo! But there's nothing really quite like a good bit of diesel tractor where you chip and pave, is there? Waldorf: She just vanished! Miss Piggy: That may be true, but I am a woman first. They seem to get carried away. Crazy Harry: Heheheheheh! Hey, make sure Connie is OK and tell Gonzo either the plant goes or he goes. This time I have really got it. Bert: Well, I mean, I feel funny being here, this is a big TV variety show, you know? You and I are going to tell the world's funniest joke. You have not been honest with me, Kermit. Well, how do you tell a guy like that that his work with the sticks is *down*? That's the silliest thing I ever... [suddenly, his head turns into that of a duck] Quack. Zero Mostel: [mockingly] It is disgracefully lacking in culture. Rowlf: All right don't make a move I got you covered. Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety. Waldorf: Are you kidding? Kermit the Frog: I don't like long goodbyes, Gonzo, so... [reaches his hand out to shake Gonzo's; Gonzo hugs Kermit] Take care of yourself, Gonzo. Fozzie Bear: Oh, you shouldn't have done that. I urge you to… Waldorf: Well, that must be the glue, all right. See more ideas about muppets, quotes, sayings. Mortimer Snerd: Well... say, maybe I'm not here. Kermit: Uh, that was a disaster we knew about all along. The Newsman: And this will cure the common cold? Kermit says it's a disgrace to have him around and we oughta get a new one. Fozzie Bear: Sorry. Fozzie: Hey, I once met a vampire who was so rich he lived in a split-level coffin! Miss Piggy: You know something, nasty nose? Statler: [Waldorf is asleep] Hey, you old fool, you slept through the show. Statler: You think this show is educational? Oh, and thank the Swedish Chef for sending me this lovely... chicken... sandwich. Rowlf: When you get shot by a pickle in close range, do you get garlic burns? Waldorf: Where were you when the lights went out? [Picks up] Muppet Show backstage. Statler: Ah! And besides, don't you know the difference between a frog and a toad? She's very versatile. The Muppet Show Filed under The Muppet Show, TV Shows . Scooter? You know something? He does his dance step and sings his song, he even gets the audience to sing along. Even cute little doggies and pussycats can't be trusted. I guess. Fozzie Bear: My cousin is so thin he paints his head gold and rents himself out as a flagpole. Milton Berle: You know what they're about? Fozzie Bear: But I didn't do an act last week. Statler: There was something thrilling about being in the show tonight. What loyalty? Rowlf the Dog: [as Dr. Bob] Or if Nurse Janice ever kept her mouth shut? Fozzie Bear: [running on-stage] Hiya! Kermit the Frog: a minute. Vincent Price: Oh, well, some people learn faster than others. Your star is not angry. Kermit the Frog: OK, you can stay, the teddy bear can stay, both bears can stay, the Gonzo can stay. Miss Piggy: [turns back to Kermit sharply] No. I think he's just great. Leslie Uggams: Why? Statler: Well, what'd you think? He's locked himself in his dressing room, and he's not coming out. Wayne: Kermit, this is an ultimatum. Miss Piggy: [in Miss Piggy's body] Wha - ? Connie Stevens: Well, then there's plenty of room. And that all of us are here for a very, very short time and in that time when we're here, there really isn't any difference in any of us, if we take time to understand each other. Would you like to be knighted? Statler: You know, usually, operetta music puts me right to sleep. Sweetums: Nice lady want Sweetums to hold something else? Statler: I don't know - I wasn't watching. Bartender: You're confused kid. He's my favorite playwright. [Animal rubs up against Floyd like a cat]. Statler: The Rockettes. Statler: You know, they can improve the whole show if they just changed the ending. Statler: We got our money's worth tonight. Jerry Juhl and Jack Burns were two of the head writers. Kermit: Uh, I'm sorry, Sam. Statler: We're look like members of the rock age! Kermit the Frog: Um... Leggies and genglefins. Uh, listen, I hate to complain, but... [clears throat]... there's a man eating my make-up table. I knew you were a gas. [she karate chops him so hard that it sends him flying into the stage curtain]. Last Saturday, the chicken passed her auditions and became a member of the Royal Copenhagen Ballet. Kermit: [Alice Cooper is the guest star; candle is walking on his desk unaided] It wasn't this scary when Julie Andrews did the show. Move, move! Loretta Swit: And, Miss Piggy, you know you wouldn't be happy anywhere else. A suave, sophisticated showman like you, Bert? Except that Maid Marian has been kidnapped, the sheriff's up to no good, that dog is stealing the cheese, Kermit's mad at Piggy, and it's really only 4:30. Fozzie: [dressed as a telephone] Mike Oznowiczsky. [the crew bring the Snorers' Chorus out on the stage]. Statler: [as they sit with an avocado] I didn't like it. There is no need to panic, however, since the hammer only attacks really wimpy nerds. [suddenly, the Venus de Milo falls down on top of the Newsman's desk]. I will not stand for it! Kermit the Frog: And our spegial guest stap is the amazing Hapry Bela... That's Harry Belafonte, folks. Rudolf Nureyev: Think of it. Kermit the Frog: [Swedish Chef has drawn cut lines on a real cow] Scooter, would you erase that cow? Waldorf: Maybe he should quit while he's ahead. Kermit the Frog: Oh, Miss Piggy appears angry. Joel Grey: [in German accent] Danke heir Kermit. Don't say anything about this. Waldorf: There's something wrong with this hearing aid. Waldorf: Yep. [sings] The days of swine and roses... Miss Piggy: [angry] Knock it off, chubbo! The Muppet Show Quotes / Memes. I don't travel much. Scooter: [Alice Coper is in his dressing room surrounded by a group of demonic-looking characters] Uh, sir? Are there any requests? Sam The Bald Eagle: [Sam's dance partner looks at the camera in disgust] I didn't write it. [Hangs up and walks away]. Sam the American Eagle: Oh, to have the brilliant, talented Rudolf Nureyev on our show! "Sam the Eagle Statler: "Hey Berle! The Great Gonzo: [playing violin] It's my new act. Discover (and save!) Miss Piggy: Uh-huh. They're about the stars and the performers and the entertainers that appeared during the heyday of Vaudeville. Fleet Scribbler: Aha. Statler: I wouldn't mind the show if they just got rid of one thing. Didn't sound that way to me. The Great Gonzo: That won't be easy either. [suddenly, a whole slew of bats surround the balcony]. Kermit: Oh, yeah, yeah I suppose it was. https://www.quotes.net/movies/the_muppet_show_quotes_107574. Waldorf: ...although, some of them are really quite droll. Just for the halibut? Fozzie: [Runs up and answers it] Hello. Kermit: [Towards the camera] What the hey? Wanda: [screaming] Help, there's a phantom in the dressing room! Chicken: [an unplucked and alive chicken is between the bread] Brawk! Fozzie: I went to a diet doctor, and in just two months I lost $300! Kermit the Frog: [Phone rings] Hello. If there's a Phantom of the Muppet Show, I'm a monkey's uncle. [on the screen, Twiggy bites into a microphone and savors it]. Sgt. Sgt. The Newsman: Here's a Muppet news bulletin! Edgar Bergen: Kermit, do forgive Charlie. Statler: [looking into camera] That was weird! The Carrot: Watch it, lady. That was a sweet number. [the Swedish Chef tried to make fishie chowder]. Waldorf: [after the ending theme plays] Uh, Statler? When Mr. Nureyev arrives, we must be dignified, we must be respectful. Waldorf: I believe it; they'd take anything that's not nailed down! History Talk (0) Share ... A good example would be The Muppet Show pilot episode was named Sex and Violence and was supposed to be a fun and satirical show that could steer any audience in society and not just tell warm fuzzy stories about a pig trying to marry a frog. Waldorf: Do you think there's life in outer space? Milton Berle: Look, did you come here to be entertained or not? Edgar Bergen: Well, then probably I'm not here today. Fozzie Bear: Thirty days hath September, April, June, and my cousin Fred who gets out on Wednesday. Other Gypsy: Yes - but you're gonna play anyway! Zoot: What if you and I just get right down to it and do this little beauty, huh? Miss Piggy: Kermit? Kermit: That's a cheap joke. The Newsman: Well, now, whenever unusual events occur, you'll hear it first on Muppet News. You're not just saying that because you're a guest? Statler: You know, I never liked their theme music. [holds up a sign saying 'The Muppy Show'], Kermit the Frog: 'The Muppy Show'? Elke Sommer: Eh, thank you, Scooter. [the Black Knight enters, sporting a distinctive hook-nosed helmet]. [Charlie looks toward her, panting eagerly, then looks back with shock]. Before your very eyes, I will ride this motorcycle up this ramp and jump directly into... [looks up at Waldorf and Statler's theater box]... THAT box, landing safely between those two elderly gentlemen. Yes, he knows just what to do, he knows how to brings down the house when he's through. James Coburn: [Animal enters, flinging a squid he attacked from the first act off him, and breaking a chair around his neck] What do you call this - the Easter bunny? The Muppet Show was produced for worldwide weekly syndication from 1976 to 1981. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Waldorf: At these prices, who's going to complain? I had my eyes closed. Miss Piggy: Hold it! What did you get? Kermit the Frog: What's there to like, Gonzo? Kermit the Frog: Oh, then he owes YOU money. Rowlf: You were better off leaving the stage. Sam the Eagle: Yes, glad to know you. I do not exist. Waldorf: How should we know how to get to Sesame Street? The Muppet Show is a comedy television series created by Jim Henson and featuring the Muppets. Sam The Bald Eagle: Immoral is something that's not right and illegal is me with a tummy ache. With the discovery of gold, local residents are expecting a full... [suddenly, the dynamite explodes, destroying the desk]. Kermit the Frog: But you're going to go out and make movies. I love that outfit! The worst part's over. Download Image. [Fozzie leaves] You forgot to introduce her. Miss Piggy: Just a little slight exaggeration. I think we better just take a break. Edgar Bergen: Yes. Dom DeLuise: Little? Waldorf: D.D.T. Boffo was not so lucky. Kermit the Frog: Really? Miss Piggy: [Miss Piggy karate chops both of them at once, one with each hand] That is known as getting two turkeys with one chop. Scooter: “Hey boss…I wanted to talk to you about the act I’m doing on the show tonight.” Kermit: “Scooter, you’re not doing an act on the show tonight.” [speaking, soulfully] Now the curtain is going up. The Muppet Movie is a 1979 live-action/puppet musical comedy film featuring Jim Henson's The Muppets in which Kermit and his newfound friends trek across America to find success in Hollywood, but a frog legs merchant is after Kermit.. Statler: So is the motorbike. Kermit: Well, that's about all the time we have for today, but let's thank our special guest star, Mr. Joel Grey! The Entertainer: the Star of the Show. [Kermit screams Fozzie off the stage]. Fozzie: The rhyming song. [Fozzie, Scooter, Gonzo, and Hilda run away screaming]. Rowlf: How many performances did you do in Vaudeville? Just a second. No one would watch junk like that! Miss Piggy: Kermit, now that you've begged for my forgiveness... Miss Piggy: DON'T TOUCH ME, YOU JIVE GEEK! Milton Berle: Gregory Peck's not a comedian. I'm going to call my lawyer! Rowlf: All right. You're in love with a frog? Kermit the Frog: How about kissing the next best thing? The Newsman: Here's a Muppet News Flash. Isn't that disgusting? Put on the Snorers' Chorus instead. You, sir, are a demented, sick, degenerate, barbaric, naughty freako! Dr. William Edgar of Chicago, Illinois, reports he has found a method of synthesizing Italian dinners out of wool. Statler: Ha ha ha! Then Fozzie and Bruce end up performing together, and sing "Side by Side." Fozzie: Kermit. Statler: I know. Kermit the Frog: You can be replaced, Piggy. Kermit the Frog: Yeah, why isn't the frog auditioning new comedians? Unfortunately. This wallpaper has been tagged with the following keywords: beaker, muppet, quotes, show, 1920x1200, 18203. [the camera pulls back to reveal the show being watched by a man at home]. Fozzie Bear: Uh, Kermit? Hold it! Throw down your pickles! Alice Cooper: I know. Kermit the Frog: Gonzo? Miss Piggy: [turns around to show backpack on her back] Yes. Juliet Prowse: Well, thank you Kermit. Seven people have allegedly been attacked by a wandering pack of sofas at the east edge of town. Shop affordable wall art to hang in dorms, bedrooms, offices, or anywhere blank walls aren't welcome. Fozzie: I don't know what to say except that if you the frog want me the bear to stay, then I'll just have to have a raise. Zoot: Do you expect me to play this, man? Chinese Gorilla: Dong day do dai dai do... Rowlf: How could you love him? Kermit: I-In fact, that was Rudolf Nureyev. Kermit! Edgar Bergen: Listen, Mortimer. Fozzie: Thank you, Sir. Statler: [about the Muppet Labs segment] That was great, fantastic! This is an update on the Henderson burglary. Statler: Yeah! Statler: The question is, what is a muh-nah-muh-nah? Fozzie: What do you think, huh? Created by Jim Henson, Jack Burns. It's not the song. Kermit the Frog: You pay him by the line? Sam the American Eagle: Freako's one, civilization zero. The Newsman: And now, direct from the Chicago Livestock Board, here are the gestation periods. The Robert Redford of frogdom. Dateline: The Muppet Show. Kermit: Well, that's part of the fun. Dr. Teeth: Hey. Perform an underwater heart transplant on myself? Mackerel: No, Your Highness will do. Discover (and save!) Statler: Yeah, it wasn't rare, and it certainly wasn't well done. How come I'm not doing an act this week? I had a dressing room so small... Fozzie Bear: Well what do you think about the act, Frog? Sam the American Eagle: No, now wait, I have been to restaurants where I've ordered Marcello Mastroianni, and I've gotten it. Miss Piggy: He tries so desperately to hide his love for me. They think explosions are funny. Speak up, my hearing aid's not working! Milton Berle: Listen, kid. Lola Bramswell: No, not really, except that twice a day, I find myself going in and out with the tide. [looks past the camera as if reading que cards]. Statler: It's hard to feel sorry for him. Sam the American Eagle: Ah, Beethoven. Kermit: Sounds more like the voice of Gonzo. What's this bummer called again? Wanda: But this is supposed to be the place for the Connie Stevens spot? You see, the road has washed out and my horse had a flat tire. Statler: This show brought a tear to my eye... Fozzie Bear: Hey, question: if a man born in Poland is a Pole, is a man from Holland a Hole? Discover and share Muppets Chef Quotes. Fozzie throws some nasty jokes and, for the first (and last) time, leaves the two old codgers speechless. [suddenly, the Newsman's clothes turn into a bunch of clucking chickens], [Robin's Frog Scout troop are up in Waldorf and Statler's theater box]. Last week I've been dancing with Natalia Makarova. your own Pins on Pinterest I mean, this is a great show to do. The Newsman: Here's a Muppet News Flash. How come? Fozzie Bear: No, I'm just going out to lunch. It's too far away. Miss Piggy: No. Kermit: [during Talk spot] Well, Rita, what we have now is what we call our 'Talk Spot', where the guest star sits and talks casually with the frog. [a seething Miss Piggy storms up to Kermit]. Authorities suspect that the ocean is being held prisoner in an apartment somewhere in Newark. Milton Berle: Yeah, sure I was, but when I was a kid. Kermit: Though some may harbor suspicions. Fozzie Bear: Oh, see, it's my new act. Statler: [softly] No, not so loud! Why don't you do that act you rehearsed? The pig will never get her way. [suddenly, they see a chicken chase after the Swedish Chef with a cleaver], [Ethel hits Animal over the head with fist]. Widespread dumping of produce has resulted from this bumper crop. The Muppet Show quotes 172 total quotes. Floyd Pepper: Everything is everything. Animal: [nods head emphatically] Yeah, yeah! Kermit the Frog: What are we going to do? View Quote. Any complaints? Only Gonzo likes me. [Thick white smoke comes out of the phone] Kermit: Fozzie, who was that? Statler: That number scared the pants off of me. Kill! Fozzie: Gonzo, I will not forget her name. I wonder if they meant it that way. [Miss Piggy karate-chops Gonzo, then holds up one fist in the air]. [Unveils crystal ball; Beauregard is inside]. Speaking of which, uh, since I'm playing vibes in this number, we're gonna need another player for the bass. . Mhm, I'm sorry. Birds too. Work your connections. Edit Buy. Why isn't the bear running things around here? I don't even know what I am this time. Gonzo: [singing] She kissed me... She put her arms around me and she kissed me... Miss Piggy: It was a CASE of mistaken identity! Animal: [waking up and seeing Buddy] Kill! Kermit: It means you're sleeping on the floor! Kermit's finally booked guest stars weirder than we are. The Newsman: Science tells all that inanimate objects cannot turn into monsters. Gonzo: So you see, breaking up with you isn't painful at all. Fozzie: Hey, did you hear the one about the kangaroo that comes into a store, and a hippopotamus comes out and he says to the kanga [curtains close] HEY I WASN'T FINISHED! [both laugh]. Waldorf: That's the problem. Would you like to hear the other 28? Take off the peepholes. Charlie McCarthy: I can be difficult without trying. Miss Piggy: [as Nurse Piggy] It's too late, Doctor Bob. Are we in trouble. Yeah, that way you leave nothing to chance! That was the first verse. 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